I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have aggressive nipples.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
