i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
