At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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