i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said her name was "party"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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