i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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