hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
