Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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