Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I could fuck to npr.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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