I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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