Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
