Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she smelled like a LAN party
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
