Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
