Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
