im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
