I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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