you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize