I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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