The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
