he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
