Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
