nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am spending my child support on dildos
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
