you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
