how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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