Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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