it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
