So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
