Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
