Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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