also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
smell my finger.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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