Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
