I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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