SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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