Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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