so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
