Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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