Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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