Will you blow on my dice?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
