Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
