hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
