they need to just BURY HIM!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
