how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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