Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
