i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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