did you get engaged???
I will die if light touches me.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
