last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
