honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
