We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
