I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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