What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
