sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
