He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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