What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
