btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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