Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
