I wish I could punch you in the face.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's shark week go big or go home
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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