dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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