if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
