I'm drive I can fine osifer
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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