I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
