Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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