She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
