Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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