Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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