Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
