where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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