He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
