Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
