Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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