i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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