Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
