mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
