the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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