theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
