1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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