Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
