I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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