Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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