dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
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I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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